Hi loves ♥ I’m so sorry for my absent these last couple of week, but there has been a lot going on in my life and schools taking up the most of my time and energy. I just needed a time-out. As I’ve told you before, I want my blog to be real and since I’m a person that puts my heart into everything I do, it didn’t feel right “faking a smile” while posing or write about superficial stuff I couldn’t care less about.
I guess when people ask: “How are you?” or: “Are you ok?” – they don’t really want an answer. At least not an honest one. It’s pretty easy to smile and say: “I’m fine!”, but deep down on the inside, the words “I’m fine” can have a totally opposite meaning as not fine at all. I guess we all have had days where we have pretended to be okay. Pretended that nothing’s wrong.
Sleepless nights. I’ve actually been having a lot of them lately. I didn’t want this – at least not to admit that something was wrong. That I’m not okay. The recent past has been dark. The winter is dark. My energy’s gone, but everyone tells me to concentrate on the things that makes life easier – although there’s darkness following me wherever I go.
Depression is not something I like. I hate it! I hate feeling like this! I will not admit that I’m struggling. I hide behind a person that’s not me. I’ve got a smile on my face, but behind the smile there’s a sad little girl. The thought of getting up in the morning is a suffering for me. I don’t have the strength, but I’ve decided that I must try. Because it’s important!
I know there will come a day when thing’s gonna get better, brighter, but to wait for that day doesn’t make it feel any less painful. If only that day would come right now. I’ve hit the bottom, and it hurts!